Adopt!

My sweet sweet Aunt Shirley came back from the recent Funky Finds in Longview and brought me this for my birthday. She said she saw it and knew it had to be mine! Steaven asked me if I cried when I saw it. They know how much this all means to me.

Adoption is by far the most wonderful experience of my life. People often ask me "why" I would adopt when I physically am able to have a child. This question always gives me a little chuckle inside. I think that a lot, or most, women have that "I must carry a child" feeling bred into them. I did not. When Steaven and I were only dating we agreed that we didn't want anymore children, and that if we ever changed our minds, adoption was what we wanted to do. We have both always been very aware of the number of children without loving homes. For several years before I even wanted a child, I searched for an adoption agency that I could work with to photograph children for adoption. For what ever reason, I always hit a brick wall. But, through all of that searching, I guess I saw one too many little faces needing a mommy and daddy. So, one morning I woke up and could not stop thinking about it. I had to do this. And with a little persuasion, Steaven felt the same way. :)
Admittedly, it is hard. Don't let anyone tell you it's not. Once you sign papers and know you will become an adoptive parent, you get a feeling of anxiousness and nervousness that I am guessing feels a lot like the feelings you have with a traditional pregnancy. After having every corner of your life checked faults - physically, emotionally, financially, etc, you then start the hurry up and wait of an endless path of legal and international paperwork. Form by form you fill out, mail to the consulate, wait for it to be mailed back, mail to Guatemala, wait for it to be mailed back, and only then can you start the next form. After you do this with every form you ever dreamed possible, then you are matched with your child and the process starts all over again. Only this time your child has been born. And she is being rocked by a strange person. Fed by someone you will never meet. And once a month you get a picture from someones flip motorola phone and a "Yes she's doing fine". In a country where it is common to feed your baby honey water, cleanliness is second rate and the idea of health and safety standards are a joke, you try to find comfort in knowing she is safer inside this strangers house than outside of it where gang violence IS the law. This makes the monotony of this cycle of paperwork excruciating. In my case, four months into this I was finally able to go to Guatemala to visit her. They brought her to my hotel and left her with me for the weekend. She was four months old and the most precious thing I'd ever seen. She seemed to be healthy and happy. I loved every minute of it. Then I had to give her back, not knowing when I might see her again. I didn't know if it would be a month or a year. All I knew is that I had already missed four months of my child's life. Three more months went by, ever so slowly. Never knowing from day to day when and IF I really would get to bring her home. In the midst of all of this, the news played and replayed the story of the Florida Adoption Agency busted for taking children from mothers in Guatemala, and giving them up for adoption, selling them really, without the mothers consent. And I didn't know, not really. All I could do was pray to God and beg him to bring her home to me. And he did. January 25th, 2008 we were able to go and get her. I remember the elevator ride down to the lobby of the hotel to get her. I'd never seen the look on Steaven's face before. It was a mix of relief and excitement and pride. We walked out the front door of the hotel. A lady got Olivia out of her car, put her in my arms, and drove away. That was that. She was ours. Really ours.
It is funny. Unless I consciously think back to 2007/8, I don't think of Olivia as adopted. She is my daughter. We don't look the same, but we act the same. She is my little shadow, my little me. And yes, she will openly tell you that her mommy and daddy flew on an airplane to Guatemala to get her... probably without your asking. She is a healthy, happy American kid.

And of course miss Olivia is always beautifully dressed, thanks to our lovely friend Renee, from OuttaHand Creations! Thanks Renee! 

Edited to add a few from my visit to see Olivia in Guatemala...

Bubble Jar

So, today is my birthday. Another year older. So this morning, bummed a little about being *over* thirty and not for the first time, I was trying to have a good day. Rushing out the door I spilled my coffee on my shirt. Back inside and in a new shirt, I tried to overlook that small setback. On my way to Commerce, I decided that since I had to go to school on my birthday, I at least deserved some good coffee to brighten my day. Out the door of the new campus coffee shop, tickled with my caramel latte, I tried to hop over a patch of mud and FAIL I landed in it. I didn't fall to the ground, but I somehow managed to cover my foot and flipflop with nasty gritty mud and spill coffee on myself for the second time in an hour. And yes, a couple of folks saw my less than graceful stunt. Mouthing things I wouldn't want my momma to hear I made my way back to the car, wondering why I deserved such poor luck on my birthday, of all days. I found myself a napkin and some bottled water to clean up my mess. As I was wiping away the mud I realized just how selfish and immature my reaction was. I suddenly remembered cleaning my feet in a stream atop a mountain in Sarstun, Guatemala, thankful that I had shoes to protect my feet unlike the children I was following. All of the sudden I was SO ASHAMED of myself. Let's recap:

I drove my used yet nice Altima to the University I was so blessed to attend. I bought myself a cup of $3 gourmet coffee and complained about getting my overpriced sandal muddy... I realized that I was behaving like a selfish spoiled brat living in my American Bubble. So with my shame, I went on to class.

After class I drove straight home and made this...

Now everytime I catch myself having one of those selfish "American Bubble" moments, I will put the appropriate donation into the "Bubble Jar". Today, I donated $3 to represent that $3 cup of coffee. When the jar is full, I will mail the donation to Refuge International.

The secret is out!

Sooo for some reason that I am still not sure of, I have been hiding my new life. I have returned to school and closed the studio. Some of you might have noticed that there is now a small boutique, Spoiled Rotten inside. Niki Taylor, Steaven's cousin has lots of gifts and pretties to see, you should go visit her! :)

After my mission trip last year to Guatemala, my desire to work with the children of Guatemala has morphed into a seemingly massive life change. I wanted to find a way to do more for the kids of Guat and somehow make a greater difference than a photographer can, both here and in Guatemala. So, I decided to become a Bilingual Teacher. I can work in a bilingual classroom here in the states and work as a teacher or translator for the medical missions that I love so dearly in Guatemala. However, there are about three years of school ahead of me. I am excited though, and feel like the time will pass before I know it. Wish me luck!

And because no post is complete without a picture, hereI am in Sarstun, Guatemala atop a mountain surrounded with the babies I love so much. Please excuse my blink, I love the pic anyway!